I focus on living a positive life. My four-year-old daughter and I coined this ability to keep things positive “APACAPA”. Yes, this is a completely nonsense made-up word and yes, I talk to my four-year-old about positive mindsets; I think her ability to stay resilient, find solutions and be positive from a young age will be of huge benefit to her.
I feel quite fiercely about the importance of being positive and Duncan (my husband) finds it amusing since my family are bloody negative. I mean it. Whether I put it down to a northern composition, living a predominantly outdoors life or working non-stop to ensure I had a wonderful childhood(which I am very lucky to say that I did), I grew up with a bunch of negative ninnies and then, I married one (yes, that’s you Duncan!).
Psychologically, it’s no surprise that I married someone with as negative an outlook as my family, but what if I’m drawn to negative people? What if it’s their energy that actually fuels and heightens my passion to live a positive life?
Now, let me clarify, I don’t surround myself with negative people to become a people pleaser. Whilst I can see this for other people, it’s not something I tend to do. I rarely try to please the negative people around me. Mostly I ignore the negative vibes; the muttering, the lack lustre responses to your suggestions, the bitterness towards nice-enough people on the telly, the constant negative outlook on life (Covid, future opportunities, what will happen next in Emmerdale…fair enough that will be negative!).
It’s also important to note here that being negative does not mean being unkind. And in no circumstances should it be confused with clinical depression. When it comes to kindness, Duncan is probably the most kind and thoughtful person I know. Being negative is simply ‘a state of being; potentially a sign of a deep-rooted lack of self-belief.
The problem with being negative is that it takes up as much energy as being positive but has much worse outcomes. It can drive people away, force people to not support you and it creates more wrinkles on your face (not scientifically proven but personal opinion).
On the flip side, it’s not always peachy being positive too. People with a predominantly more negative state of mind can find positive people a tad annoying; too much energy, too much can-do spirit, too much inclination at the end of sentences (guilty!).
So which outlook is the right one and how can we use all the feels to create balance and take action? Well, I think it’s a little bit of everything…
No one can be fully present, fully ‘on’, fully positive or fully negative all of the time. The best lives we can lead are balanced ones, both emotionally and physically. You need to feel all the feels in a given day.
If you believe yourself to be more on the negative side of the coin or more on the positive side it’s worth being mindful of extreme sides to this behaviour. It’s ok to feel both but negativity can take over your body and dim your light, in the same way that heightened positivity can lead to burn out, people pleasing and exhaustion
Believe in yourself no matter what
Often the most talented people are the ones with the lower self-belief. This could come across as being negative to others but it’s simply a lack of confidence. If you do one thing today, tell yourself that you are amazing, brilliant and that you are going to create success in your life.
Introvert or extrovert?
Introverts are not negative people and extroverts are not necessarily positive people. How we interpret either one is our personal choice. But remember that it takes everyone’s outlook to give a rounded view point from which to make any decision and from which to debate any subject.
What is true…
A continued negative state of mind will hold you back from achieving your full potential in work and in life in the same way that heightened positivity will remove you from reality and have the same consequences. Let’s aim for a happy middle ground, full of balance and confidence (and don’t worry I have a plan to help you with this).